Tanya | Week 9 | Fear of the Unknown
For the longest time, I had genuinely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I knew very early on that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with the field of computer science, technology, or anything along those lines. But for the life of me, I simply could not figure out what it was that I did want to do, and it definitely didn’t help that I was surrounded by friends who had known since they were six years old that they were destined to be doctors or mechanical engineers. So whenever anyone would pose the terrifying question of what I wanted to pursue in the future, I would laugh it off and tell them I was still “figuring it out.”
But the truth was, the uncertain state of my future frightened me. What if I never found something that genuinely excited me? And more, what if my indecisiveness and inability to form a concrete plan was an indication of the fact that I was going to spend the rest of my life wandering aimlessly day after day without a real purpose?
Fast forward a couple of years later to the current version of me that wants to go into law and has never been more certain of anything else. She finds my spiral above to be just a tad bit dramatic. But looking back, I don’t think that it’s completely unreasonable to be paralyzed by the things that we are uncertain about. The fear of the unknown is a highly common fear among humans, as it stems from our biological need for comfort and predictability. It can range anywhere from being nervous about a job interview to severe anxiety or panic disorders.
So many options, yet so little clarity.
Credit: https://www.attorneyholcomb.com/fear-unknown/
The true power lies in the ability to adjust and learn along the way, because flexibility itself is empowering. People say that ignorance is bliss, and I’m beginning to realize they’re right, but in a different way. Ignorance is bliss because it’s an advantage. Not knowing the outcome is precisely what makes life so exciting, as it gives us the freedom to experiment and explore.
On that note, I have absolutely no idea what the rest of my future holds, but I do know that I am incredibly excited to find out.
Tanya, the idea of being oblivious of what the rest of my life holds for me is one that resonates with me deeply. For the longest time, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life but similar to you feeling sure about law, I have also found something that I am passionate about. I used to be scared, similarly to you, that I would be forced to choose something random to go into and hate the work I was doing for the rest of my life. I am so grateful that I was exposed to something that genuinely excites me. Despite that, there is still so much uncertainty about our futures. While the fear of the unknown is still something that haunts me, I also think there is a peacefulness in letting go and letting life take over. This year especially, I have prioritized doing things that are unplanned and they have resulted in some of my favorite memories. I love the way you phrase it when you say “not knowing the outcome is precisely what makes life so exciting.” I have learned to stop thinking about what I need to do to achieve a certain outcome, rather thinking about how much of myself I want to put into every assignment.
ReplyDeleteI think it is very powerful when you refer to your younger self as her own entity, apart from who you are now. To me, it represents how much a person can change in their lifetime. We go through so many ideas and thought processes in our lifetime, sometimes it can feel like our past selves were an entirely different person. The way you present this idea of the unknown using your own personal experiences was a very interesting read.
Your unwillingness to go into tech fields really resonated with me. As we live in the Bay Area and are expected to go into something like computer science, those who refuse to fit into that framework become few and far between and all the more special. Don’t get me wrong, going into law is difficult and incredibly impressive (more impressive and probably more stable than striving for the humanities, which is where I’m headed), and I wish you luck!
ReplyDeleteWhile not necessarily being part of your blog, the caption you added to the image caught my attention. On one hand, having a lot of options makes deciding on a future path difficult. But on the other, it is also a luxury. How wonderful it is that nowadays we can choose the way we earn money instead of having to inherit our family business or default to working on a farm or in a factory!
Humans preferring “comfort and predictability” is pretty ironic as the saying “we live in uncertain times” could be said anywhere on this planet at nearly any point during the last 500 or so years and still be perfectly applicable. And it makes sense, there is too much going on in the world to account for everything and come to a foolproof prognosis of what the future holds, so our only real option is to seize the day and figure it out as we go. Carpe diem! If you remember watching The Dead Poet’s Society movie in freshman year, that’s what the last few paragraphs of your blog reminded me of. Good job on your blog!
Hello Tanya! Your blog reminded me of a time when I spoke to a classmate of mine, and we had just gotten test scores back. I did fine thankfully but he did better than me without studying at all, I was astonished, at how he did it. He said that not knowing an answer or a concept on a test was exciting the unknown was exciting to him and was a chance for him to truly apply his intellect. I find your blog has a similar take. Given the nature of the Bay Area and the way students stack awards, summer programs, internships, and APs like jenga blocks, and ones that all relate to a certain major, I can understand the stress and concern of not knowing what you want to do. I get it, I recently had an epiphany of whether I should drop Finance and Applied Math to potentially shift to Financial or Corporate law. So I completely resonate with your anxiety, but I admire your go-getter attitude, that yes we may be unaware but we get to go find answers and isn't that incredible? I agree, I think pressure is a privilege the fact that we all ponder endlessly and stress about what we want to major in is exciting because isn't it insane we have the opportunity to do that? To find what we love, what makes us tick? I found your blog to be refreshing and exciting to read, I hope you continue to update us on your hot takes. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThe feeling of not knowing what you want to be in life is something that I can relate too. There have been countless days were I would ponder if I would ever like something enough to pursue it as my career. Since freshman year, I have been considering between different engineering careers such as civil, software, mechanical, and electrical. It is really cool that you finally found something that you like and are willing to pursue as a career. Personally I could never see myself becoming a lawyer as I do not really like to talk to people, but I am glad that you found something you can be passionate about. I find your interpretation on "ignorance is bliss" extremely interesting and honestly inspiring. I love the idea that ignorance is an advantage as it allows us to experiment and explore new opportunities instead of us following a predetermined pathway influenced by our parents and society. Thank you for sharing, I am glad I am not the only person who felt this way.
ReplyDeleteHi Tanya! Your blog is something with which I can deeply resonate, and many others, because of the life we are soon going to lead. The future is full of uncertainties, and it's scary to think about how, in a sense, we truly have “limited options.”
ReplyDeleteIt seems like the best answer is to go to college, study, get a job, get married, have a kid, and maybe a dog while you’re at it. But is this truly what life is about? I’m sure we all have our own takes on what gives us happiness, and it deeply saddens me that sometimes this isn’t socially acceptable. For example, I love to travel, and honestly, I would love to just do that for the rest of my life–travel to a different country every year, maybe even 2. But this isn’t “acceptable,” for how much money can you make from this? What if you want to get a job or make a career for yourself, and you didn’t even attend college?
Coming back on topic, it also scares me about my future and the life I want to lead. We are still teenagers, our brains are still developing, yet what we choose or believe we are “passionate about” will almost define the rest of our lives, unless, of course, we choose to go a different path later in life, and essentially “restart” with another education. My decision to go into architecture sometimes causes me to second-guess myself, as I wonder how I can possibly do this for the rest of my life. But I guess that is also part of life, to experience things we have no control over and let that influence our next decision. The feeling of “fear” is, of coure scary, but I feel like it is also a good thing that there is something which we have to just let happen.