Cyril Nadar — Week 15 — Yolob's Very American Taste

7:30 PM in beautiful California, once again winning the title of the best state with its beautiful beaches and gorgeous weather—and clouds! Aidan was once again enslaved by his father to work in the garden. They grew radishes, tomatoes, carrots, mint and a few fruit trees—mulberry and fig. 

“Aidan, check the shed for my rake,” asked big man Russel. The shed that big man Russel speaks of is a rundown, half rotted construction of wood. No paint, barely any water sealant, and no concrete to be based on. One could say, completely “yoloed.” Inside was kept the variety of gardening tools: rakes, shovels, ladders, and strangely a yellow blob of moving mass scurrying in the corner. 

You see, Aidan isn’t what you would call a very “safe” child. His survival instinct (and intellect) is quite low so that instead of fear (which a normal person should experience) he experienced joy, for reasons I do not know. “Oh, ho! What is that,” his face lit up as he walked toward the yellow blob. 

“Earthian, stay back! I mean no harm and I am going to continue my journey,” the yellow blob spoke in fluent English. 

“Hi yellow blob. My name is Aidan; will you be my friend?” 

“No.” 

“Okay. What’s your name?” 

“Where I come from, we do not need names to identify each other,” the yellow blob said, coming out of his corner and facing Aidan. 

“Oh, I see, then I will name you Yolob for yellow blob.” 

“I do not like it.” 

“Okay. Yolob what is this grand quest you speak of?” 

“To learn about the greatest place in the known universe,” Yolob started squirming around the shed. He slowly climbed himself up a rake onto one of the shelves 

“Which is?” 

“America! Across all timelines and all universes, America stands as a place of beauty, peace, and freedom. This is my war cry to show my love of AMERICA!” 

The sounds that came out of Yolob were very bizarre. In fact, I don’t think it is even possible to put into text what it sounded like. However, it closely resembles a mix of a Kuala and a Baboon. 

“I see,” Aidan stared at the pulsating yellow blob that was in front of him. “So, you just came to sight, see?” 

“No, no, no! What a blasphemous way to learn and experience such elegance is America. I am here to use my super cool powers which allow me to experience the memories of everything I eat.” 

Yolob climbed down from the shelf and slowly engulfed a pebble on the ground. His body vibrated for a few seconds and abruptly stopped. “Ah, American rock. What a beautiful journey it was for that rock to slowly grow over billions of years to grow and tumble through the endless marching of time and finally arrive at great America." 

“Did it taste good?” 

“Yes, because it was American rock. I tried eating stone from China and it was very disgusting.” 

“From what dad has told me, America and China are best of friends. Like best buddies, maybe they are in love!” 

“I do not support this. I refuse to have America be tainted by the likes of China. Their stone is impure unlike America.” 

“Calm down Yolob. Here is some American dirt from California which is the best part of America,” Aidan threw Yolob hand full of dirt. 

“Yes, bless me with American dirt!” Yolob shivered and quivered, his body rumbling all over and, in the distance, you could hear the cries of big Russel calling for his son to hurry up. 

“Did it taste good?” 

“Oh indeed. Oh, great American dirt. I love American dirt. This is the pinnacle of the universe. All truth was from American dirt.” 

“Californian dirt to be specific,” Aidan said, picking up a rake. 

“What is taking so—,” Russel looked at his son holding up a rake talking to a slimy yellow blob on the ground. 

“Oh, hi dad! This is my friend Yolob, he is an alien that came to see how great America is.” 

“You must be Aidan’s father, I must say America is better than I expected it—” 

Russel picked up a shovel and whacked Yolob right on the head. 

“Sir! Why are you hitting me?” 

“Dad, what are you doing? He is my friend” 

“Some freaky stuff is happening around here, Aidan,” Russel turned around to look at his son, “We need to protect our country from these “aliens” they say.” He looked at Yolob and slammed the shovel, sinking deep into his flesh—or slime? 

“But he loves America.” 

“So, do I. That's why we must keep it safe. Don’t talk to strangers, okay?” 

“Yup, okay dad. I won’t talk to strangers,” Aidan turned around to Yolob who was up against the wall, slightly dismembered, “bye bye Yolob, but you have to go back home.” 

“People said this was the greatest place in the entire Universe.” 

“It is! And that's why you can’t stay,” Russel said, putting down the shovel and picking up the rake for gardening. Aidan walked out of the shed with his father. The creaking and rotting wood smelt fungus and mold. The door groaned as it slowly closed, inch by inch. Light that once held hope, now was only in his memories.