Oviya Ravi Week 15; Figments of my Imagination
Our lives are filled with millions of relationships: parents, siblings, cousins, friends, teachers, classmates. The list goes on. There are two people in my life that I cannot neatly categorize as any of these relationships. I can’t figure out who they are to me because the only way I think of them is as a part of myself. It would be a more plausible relationship if they were purely a figment of my imagination, created to be the perfect companions.
I met Aayu before my memories even started to form. Our early playdates consisted of taking naps at each other’s houses and going to art class where she would make fun of how slow I worked. Jiya we met when we were three years old. I will always remember her as my Google Meet companion and my moral support as we (attempted to) learn chemistry.
There is not a single part of who I am that does not relate to them in some way. Every birthday, every holiday, every Monday through Sunday was spent with them. Every hobby, every activity, every trinket in my room has their fingerprint on it. Every memory I can recall is bound to have them in it.
I have spent my entire life seeing them essentially everyday. They live down the street from my house, they are my carpool to genuinely every place I go, every group chat I am in is some variation of people added to a conversation between us three. My core high school experiences will always include spending every summer with them upstairs in my house, using snacks as a way to bribe ourselves to finish a bar of choreo. My love for dance will always be tied with memories of us as kids with a stack of pots on our heads, and memories of us last year, getting our clipboards with the word “captain” adhered on the back. If I ever have a problem and I don’t know who I can trust, they would be the ones I turn to.
Very soon, we will no longer be able to say we live down the road from each other. Life is going to pull us apart, maybe that’s necessary. But there is not even a single ounce of me that wonders if our relationship will last. I don’t know if I would be the same person I am today if they weren’t in my life. I don’t know if I would have made the same decisions, if I would have the same friends, if I would think of myself in the same way. If I think about my childhood, they are who I think of. The reason I know life cannot separate us is because to me, who they are and who I am is synonymous. I am so lucky to have memories filled with their laughter and their support and I cannot wait to see what memories the future has in store for us.
The thing about being a social creature is that nobody and nothing ever exists in a vacuum. Countries, people, and objects are shaped by the context in which they exist and the relationships that define the quality of their existence. People come and go and leave reciprocal small or large pieces of themselves for better or for worse: a phrase, manner, or affectation. Maybe an idea or an object. Maybe someone (or someones) make an impact so profound it becomes impossible to clearly delineate where one person begins and another ends. Zero degrees of separation, much?
ReplyDeleteLifelong relationships are (probably, I’m not old enough to know for sure yet) the most rewarding kinds—whether platonic or not. Maybe it is inevitable, like you wrote, that life would drive a wedge in those close relationships. But The Power of Friendship must ultimately prevail; my parents, every few years, will meet up with an old friend from university or high school and spend the next few hours poring over every last detail of their lives. I can only hope I have the honor to experience the same when I’m that much older.
It hurts to think that separation might be necessary; that that’s just how life works with friendships changing or fading over time. Childhood friendship seems so pure, too, where conflicts are solved in a day (or less) and the only concern is whether or not mom or dad will say yes to the play-date. There’s so much insistence to do things together, both from parents wanting to be free of babysitting for a few hours and the children desperate for socialization, that there’s not much time for bad things to fester. Meanwhile, adult people are so mundanely polite before entering into each others’ lives. It’s discouraging that we stand on the cusp of that. Schedules too crammed to fit catching up over coffee (or tea) or joint trips to the library, too tired from a long day of work to hang out…it’s pretty sad.
ReplyDeleteWhat you said about your friends being so close that they become a part of you reminded me of an excerpt of an essay (?) I read somewhere, the author of which I no longer remember, but it essentially went something like this: if two friends lose each other, they not only lose the other person but also the part of themselves that only that other person could bring out. So a close friend is, technically, part of you, and it would be terrible to lose that. It’s good that you are confident that you will stay friends with those who you bonded with during childhood! You are lucky to be so sure; when my only real childhood friend moved to a different city, I had my doubts. But we still manage to see each other every other weekend or so. On one hand, time and distance make friendships more difficult to keep, but on the other, the sheer amount of memories childhood friends share also thankfully make it difficult for the bond to ever break completely. We can take solace in that. Good job on your blog!
Hello Oviya, I found your blog incredibly heartfelt, and what stood out to me was how you described your friendship as something that transcended boundaries. I thought it was interesting that you never referred to Ayushi and Jiya as simply your best friends because I believe your point was that those words cannot convey the magnitude of your relationship, which has shaped your identity. Your relationship being so intimate, so much so that you view them as an extension of yourself, was beautifully striking, and I am grateful that you have found such meaningful friendships. I found that the specificity of your memories was incredibly intentional, as I believe it demonstrates how Ayushi and Jiya are a cornerstone of your life. I found the small intricacies you mentioned, such as bribing yourselves with snacks to finish choreo, or working on chemistry together on Google Meet I believe they demonstrate how relationships, specifically childhood friendships, are formed and cemented through repetition, the little mundane things if you will. I also found your reflection on distance relatable. I have a friend who was like my Aayu and Jiya. To be frank we don't speak anymore and I miss her presence but I believe time and distance pulled us apart as they pull apart everyone. I relate to your fear of change, and your belief that once you cross a certain threshold with people, they'll never really be strangers to you. You'll always remember little things that you just cannot forget, like a part of you will forever be entertwined with certain people. I found your blog enlightening Oviya thanks for sharing!
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