Anshina Verma- Week 16 My Best Friends Are My Parents’ Friends
What I’d like to discuss in this blog is something that many people will either wholeheartedly agree with or disagree with. I truly, truly love my parents' friends. The eccentric aunties and uncles my parents have collected over the years are people I will be forever grateful for. However, I recently discussed with one of the particular groups that I love to meet, and it was a wonderful way to end my night. A way my relationship with my parents and their friends has changed is that they view me (to an extent) as a peer rather than a child. They crack funny and sometimes dark jokes, discuss the dark underbellies of their college lives, and give me useful advice I leverage almost every day. I feel as though I can confide in them, and I get to reap the benefits of adults who have 30+ years of experience without being afraid they might get offended, as my parents would. It’s the best of both worlds.
A few weeks ago, I discussed my negative experiences with FOMO which is the fear of missing out, with one of my parents' friends, Rani Auntie. I told her that due to my extroverted tendencies, I hang out with people as much as I can, and I will often stay places I shouldn’t or waste time that I don’t have to have fun with friends that I might not see that often. I’m aware it's unhealthy and unproductive, but the dopamine I get from socializing is truly something else. Rani Auntie then told me that she admired how self-aware I was. “It’s a rare trait,” she said, “but if you don’t use it to your advantage, then it's pointless to have.” She then explained to me the concept of JOMO, which is the exact opposite of FOMO, or the joy of missing out. I truly envy people with JOMO, those so content within themselves that their energy is never redirected elsewhere. I told her about that too, that I feel like I’m dependent on other people and thus my energy is constantly being pulled away from me, as if I am seated away from my friends, my body angles towards them across the classroom, and it feels as though my energy is being tunneled towards them. Rani auntie then told me that I am not content with myself, she said if at your core you could fully and completely appreciate yourself, you wouldn’t feel that way. “So what do I do?” I asked her. “You have to love yourself. But loving yourself must come with improvement. The human brain is not stupid; it knows when there is nothing to take pride in. So improve yourself, and self-love will come automatically. And the world loves people who love themselves. Take care of yourself, and everyone else will follow with time.”
https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/friends-with-other-parents
When I was first skimming the titles of all the new blogs in our cohort this week, I saw yours and my first thought was “Hmm. That’s a little sad.” But I ended up reading the article which you linked at the start of your blog and the subject is fascinating. It’s not something I’ve ever really thought about but it makes all the sense in the world; that a child feels more secure when they have adults other than their parents whom they can confide in. It takes a village to raise a kid, right?
ReplyDeleteI myself have always been the kind of child to linger near the adults’ table at the family gathering, or listen in on their conversations about politics or old movies not to understand what they are saying but just to listen to people who had experienced twice, or thrice, the amount of life that I had converse amongst themselves. I am glad to see that I am not the only one who is truly grateful for the eccentric, as you put it, people my parents have befriended over the years!
As for the latter half of your blog, I may not have 30+ years of life experience, but I still want to put in my two cents. As an introvert who has only now, in the past 3-ish years, discovered the joy of going out and having fun with friends, I was a tad taken aback by your description of prioritizing taking time out of your day to hang out with people you may not see as often as “wasting time.” While yes, there are probably “better” things you could be doing in terms of studying or working or anything “productive,” my mind is pulled towards that one Mikko Harvey quote: “The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger in the doorway uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.”
Anshina, I also have always been a person who is generally close with my parents’ friends. I grew up in a close knit community so I always had adults in my life aside from my parents. Similar to your relationship with Rani Auntie, I have always felt close to my aunt; she has always given me great advice about the future and how to exist in certain situations. I think the relationships we see between our parents and their friends can also teach us so much about who our parents are. I love listening to my parents talk to their friends because I get to hear so many stories about their childhood and how they came to be the person they are today. I often see that my parents are often more carefree when talking with their friends which is something I love seeing. However, I am a big proponent of living life for the sake of enjoyment which is often seen as time spent being unproductive. I believe that if we are enjoying our time and doing things that we find worthwhile, then it is time well spent. While it is important to ensure that we have time and energy for ourselves, I do not think hanging out with friends should be seen as a negative in any sense. I enjoyed reading your blog this week and am happy that we were in the same cohort this semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Anshina! I absolutely loved reading your blog this week, as I found I could completely relate to it. While I have to admit that I am not the biggest fan of every single one of my parents’ friends, there are definitely a select few that I genuinely view as some of the closest people in my life. For instance, my mom’s best friend is a woman who she has grown up with since kindergarten, and they ended up moving from Dubai to India to the United States. I see her constantly and find it incredibly easy to talk to her about a variety of subjects, from my academic stress to my personal problems.
ReplyDeleteI especially loved reading about your perspective on FOMO. As someone who frequently experiences JOMO, I thought it was interesting to hear about this concept from a different point of view. While I often feel like there are only a handful of people in this world that I feel do not drain my social battery, I have definitely experienced my fair share of FOMO and can totally understand your feelings. Something that I’ve come to learn in the past couple of years is that the most beautiful thing about self-love is that it does not have to come at the expense of everything else. That is, we can love and cherish ourselves while still being free to develop meaningful relationships with others. As a matter of fact, practicing good self-love and self-improvement usually make it easier for those relationships to form. Going back to Rani Auntie, I completely agree with her advice about how self-love and self-improvement can often go hand in hand, and I appreciate how her advice was more about becoming someone who you are genuinely proud of being, as opposed to obsessively trying to become the “perfect” version of yourself. Thank you for sharing, and I have very much enjoyed being in your cohort this semester!
Hi Anshina! I completely relate to your blog this week, as I, too, have always loved being part of my family’s discussions, especially when their friends are over. I especially love talking to my dad’s best friend. It's so nice to be included in conversations that my younger self would eavesdrop on, and be able to share my own personal experiences or opinions without being judged. It also signals growing up and makes me feel more like an adult. I, too, am a huge victim of FOMO. Whenever I can, I always attempt to hang out with my friends, whether or not I wonder if I will have a good time. It's not that I don’t love myself; it's just that when I am around my friends, it brings me a sense of joy and relief that I don’t need to live by myself, if that makes sense. Sometimes I have found myself a victim of regretting going out when I am already there, since at times I’m not close with the majority of people there. However, at the end of the day, I don't stick by that feeling. I don't think I have ever experienced JOMO, but it is interesting to learn about a new concept. Thanks for sharing!
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